The Doldrums

Posted on October 8, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

What should you do after the last race of the season? Take a significant amount of time off? Keep training? Sign up for more races? Eat potato chips and hotdogs for lunch? (I did that last one today, so check.)

It’s hard to decide how lazy I should be. What I do know is I don’t want to start from zero when I do start, so, I took about a week off in September, and started working again at the end of the month. Nothing heavy, just weights, some running, and swimming.

Wait, what? Swimming?

Yes, I actually went to the pool twice since September 23rd. Since I started triathlons three or four years ago I never hit the pool after September until February. And this time I have a new approach. I am no longer going to just put in laps and try to hit a certain distance. I will do a number of sets and make sure I hit some time goals for those sets. For instance, swim four laps in four minutes, and then beat that by two seconds the next set. That sort of thing. (Our indoor pool here in town is 25 yards long, so a lap is 50 yards, and not 100 meters.)

I also plan to take paper and pen with me to the pool to record my sets and make sure I’m making improvements. I see a few soggy notebooks in my future. How do real swimmers record their workouts? They must have something.

Anyways, I did it the other way all those other years and never got any better, so I’ll try it a different way and see what happens.

Otherwise I’m still sitting here in the doldrums, trying to get motivated, and trying to decide if Ironman is for me. Hey, they’re racing in Kona this weekend. If that doesn’t motivate you, what will?

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Red Red Whine

Posted on September 30, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

In yesterday’s post I related how I had a bad race in Branson last Sunday. I was pretty disappointed, during, and after, the race. Heck! I’m still a little disappointed right now. But I own that bad race.

I talked about how my back tightened up and made it hard to get good deep breaths. At one point I thought I might die, but I realized it would be a slow death, slow enough to let me finish the race, so I might as well keep moving. I think the reason my back gave me that trouble on the run is because I didn’t train enough on the bike. I think my back was reacting to being in the aero position for so long, which it’s not accustomed to doing.

I also know that if I’m really honest I’d say I don’t really ‘train’, but rather, ‘exercise’. Even though I track my times and efforts and all that, it’s been a while since I’ve put that information to use. That’s the main problem with my swim. I’m happy to just knock out a certain distance. I need to incorporate some time goals and work to achieve them. Space and time, just like that famous triathlete Einstein told us about.

Even in the midst of that run last Lord’s Day, I remembered something I read the night before. I ran across an article on some triathlon site about things to remember on race day. Probably a little late to start getting ready for a race the night before, but the last thing on the list was something like, “Be thankful you are able to race.” So I had to give thanks for being out there, even as a man with a prosthetic leg passed me. Props to him.

So what now? Man, last Sunday I said I was never doing a triathlon again! Today I’m looking at full Ironman races and trying to decide which would work out best for me. Actually, I think if I get into a full Ironman I want to meet some intermediate goals before I even sign up. But that’s tricky, because a lot of these races fill up so fast. And I’m disappointed that the St. George race in Utah is now a half Ironman. Wisconsin sells out the day registration opens (what is it with that race?). So maybe TX or Louisville? Any thoughts?

At any rate, I did work out today for the first time since last Sunday. Squats, deadlift, and crunches. Twenty-four minutes all together. I recorded the weights and sets, but it was really just a light set to get back into the swing of things. Let’s see if I can get any better at the next workout.

ps. BTW, normally you can follow me on Twitter, @kenkenkenusa, but yesterday I broke my iPhone (I know, I’m very sad). My son and I decided to go shoot skeet. At one point we were messing with the cord you pull, and I set the launcher. Cut to the launcher getting released and hitting me in the leg. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I thought, “That didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.” And then, “Oh crap! My phone is in my pocket.” Sure enough the screen got shattered. It still displays the time and the lock screen photo, but I can’t “Slide to unlock.” So, we may make a trip to the Apple store tomorrow.

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The Big Branson 70.3 Bust

Posted on September 29, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

or

How Bad Do I Suck at Triathlon?

or

Time to Start Blogging About Something Else

Wow! What a let down. I knew my time wouldn’t be great, but c’mon man!

Last Sunday I participated in the Branson 70.3 Ironman race. I say ‘participated’ because I didn’t ‘compete’. I was present. I, in fact, finished the race, but only after several others finished ahead of me.

My goal was to do just a little better than last year. In 2011 I finished in 7:10, and it took 4:05 to get through the bike course. So I thought I’d push it just a bit more on the bike and get done that much sooner. Everything went as planned, until I started running, my strongest event.

The day started early at Moonshine Beach. Normally it’s an Army Corps of Engineers park, and the water is surprisingly clear. The water was also surprisingly warm. At 74 degrees it was warmer than the air, but still wetsuit legal. I got my transition all set up and got my wetsuit on and decided I should hit the port-a-potty once more before my wave started.

Normally urinating in a port-a-potty is uneventful, if not really smelly. You don’t expect to be put on display when you’re in there. There were about fifteen port-a-johns lined up but there were only five or six lines of people taking turns to get into one. Everyone was standing 10-15 feet back from the doors and nobody was going into a john unless they saw someone come out. There was no one going down the line knocking on doors looking for an empty one.

So with that knowledge I stepped into the head and didn’t feel it necessary to lock the door. About midstream I hear a knock. “Just a second!” I say. Knock again. “Just a second!” At this point the door opens and a young lady is standing there (mid 20s?). If I opened a port-a-potty door and there was anyone in there I’d probably get that door shut in half a second and be embarrassed. This girl lingered! I tried to keep my back to her but I turned my head around and looked her in the eye. She did not meet my gaze. I swear to you it seems like she was trying to get a look at my johnson. It’s like she was trying to see what I was holding in there. And it’s not like she was, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” and then slammed the door. It was more like, “Oh, let me see what this guy is holding over there. What is that? Oh well, he obviously doesn’t want me to see. I guess I’ll close the door and go wait in line.”

So with that out of the way, I decided to go for a swim with a few other guys 40-44 years old. I finished this 1.2 mile swim in 48:04 in 2011, in 2012 I finished in 48:12. Lost a few seconds, but consistent, uh? Pretty slow, too. I don’t know why I swim so slowly, but my wife diagnosed my stroke and said I’m “methodical.”

On to the bike. Last year I had no idea about my pace, speed, or anything while riding. So this year I brought my Garmin just so I could make sure I maintained some sort of minimum speed. I calculated that if I averaged 17 miles per hour I could finish in about three hours. After the first loop I could see that wasn’t going to happen. There’s about 3,000 feet of total ascent. If you don’t believe the hills in Branson are steep and long, read anyone else’s blog that did this race. I haven’t read one where the blogger says, “There were hills, but they weren’t that bad.” Up hill I’d hit 7-9 miles per hour. Down hill I’d get up to around 38 MPH. Others say they went much faster (50+). I’m too much of a wuss to stay in the aero position on those down hills.

I finished the 56 mile hilly, non-flats, bike course in 3:44! That’s 20 minutes better than 2011. I was happy getting off the bike. I started running, and my happiness ended.

As soon as I got off the bike and started running pain went through my midsection and around to my back. Not my lower back, it was all up around my ribcage. At first I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I’d never experienced this kind of pain before. My first thought was I had eaten too many goos and my gut was reacting, but it wasn’t that kind of pain. After probably three or four miles I finally figured out what was going on.

For whatever reason the muscles in my back started to spasm. When they did it constricted my ribcage and it got hard to breathe. I would literally have to force myself to take deep breaths, but when I did, more spasms. So I would slow down and walk until things calmed down. Then I’d start running, and with each step I could feel the muscles getting tighter and tighter. As they’d tighten they forced these little grunts out of me. So as people ran by they’d hear, “Huh, ugh, uh, erh.” Finally I would have to walk again.

I really thought I’d get through this after the after the first few miles, but it persisted the whole race. I had to walk several times. I stopped and bent over a few times. At one point I crouched down and some dude told me not to stop and to not sit down, so I kept going. Once while I was walking a girl walked past me and said she didn’t know if it hurt more to run or walk. I said walking hurt my pride but running hurt my body.

I finally finished the 13.1 mile run in 2:55. In 2011 it was 2:06. I was disappointed to say the least.

Well, this is long enough already. I have more to talk about, like the tallest guy ever to ride a bike and other observations while racing. I’ll have to save them for another post. Sorry, no pics. My wife and I didn’t even think to take the camera.

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Branson 70.3 Tomorrow

Posted on September 22, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

Today’s the day. Not the day of the race, but the day I get to go over and pick up my race packet and get all checked in for the Branson 70.3. My wife and I will drive over to the host hotel, I’ll show them my ID, I’ll pick up my swim cap and the obligatory tee-shirt, and I’ll look at all the high-priced memorabilia in the Ironman store. There’ll be a meeting I have to attend to explain the rules and logistics, then I’ll go down to the beach and check in my bike and get my body marked. I’ll probably go on over to The Landing and get my running stuff dropped off at T2 so I don’t have to mess with that in the morning. After that, who knows.

My goal for this year is to do a little better than last year. The biggest opportunity is on the bike. I brought my Garmin so I can keep track of my speed. However, I plan to consume more calories this year than last year. That should make the biggest difference. I don’t think I ate enough last year and by the end of the ride I was dragging. The hills here in Branson aren’t a joke, so it’s going to take a lot of Clif/Powerbars to get this done.

One thing that worries me are my various knees. They have been sore for a little while. Nothing major, just a little ache when I walk and stuff. Those little aches can turn into big pains when trying to run 13.1 miles. I did give them some rest leading up to tomorrow, so maybe it’ll be OK. Still, I thought I’d better go ahead and get my excuse out there for why I might not finish.

Should I try for a full Ironman? I’ll let you know after tomorrow. I’d like to say I finished one, I just don’t know if I have the patience to train for one. Anyways, two 70.3s completed a year apart make ones 140.6, right?

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The Grossest Part About Cycling

Posted on September 3, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

Today, Labor Day, I got in 56 miles on the bike, completing the 70.3 weekend! Yeah!

It got hot out there today. It was 91 degrees when I got back, and I was feeling it. Over the 56 miles I saw a number of other cyclists, a few turtles, and two horses with riders. Oh, and I only fell off my bike once.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you do not wish to read about cycling and male physiology.

Sometimes on these longer rides I develop a little discomfort in the Nethers. Of course I try to reposition myself on the saddle to alleviate my discomfort, but eventually I realize it’s going to take some, uh, manual manipulation to rectify the situation. So, I look around to make sure there are no witnesses, and then I, um, reach down to free myself, as it were. That really should be all I write about that, but there is one more thing to say about it. The point of relaying this to you is that once I’ve found myself, often I can’t feel it because it’s numb, like when you lie on your arm too long. Am I the only one? I’m sure this is where the phrase “numb nuts” comes from.

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I saw a dude out riding today, and though his bike wasn’t exactly a recumbent, the guy had a chair for a saddle. I’m not kidding. It had a back and a nice wide seat and everything. Man, I bet he never has to re-adjust. I wonder if he even wears bike shorts.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you don’t want to read about bike shorts.

The grossest thing about cycling is the bike shorts. I’m not talking about how us guys look wearing them, though you could make a case for that. I’m talking about that giant pad in the bottom that’s intended to cushion your ride. I still feel like a newbie, so I remember when I got my first pair of shorts, looked on the inside and thought, “What the what? Someone sewed a Depends up in these things!” And this is why it’s so gross; I assume you’re not supposed to wear undies with you bike shorts.

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Occasionally I tell people yes, when you first start riding you’ll be sore in a few places you’re not supposed to be sore, but the more you ride the more comfortable you get. I still get achy in my lower back when riding, but after researching a little more, it seems like I just need to ride more miles, and perhaps work on my core. Lately I’ve been trying to stretch my lower back as well. I’m not great at stretching out, I haven’t made it a habit, but I think it’s helped my back.

OK, I need to go. I gotta get the grill going and get my protein grilled. Happy Labor Day!

Katy Trail

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14.3 Miles So Far

Posted on September 2, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

Friday I swam 2000 meters and today, Sunday, I ran* 13.1 miles. Tomorrow I hope to bike at least 56 miles. That will complete my 70.3 weekend, albeit out of order.

As I finished my swim on Friday morning it started raining here, and it was glorious. Thank you hurricane Isaac for gracing us with your presence. It rained Friday and Saturday, but not a big gully washer. It was just a good steady rain, and we needed it bad. So because of the rain on Saturday I elected to lift weights, even though I haven’t touched them for about a month. I did squats, bench, and chin-ups, 5 sets each, all high reps, and immediately got sore.

I was feeling it this morning, but decided I’d get the run in today. So right after church I started in on my half marathon. I basically did 4 5K loops around my hood. I’d pick up Powerade and nutrition as I looped around my house.

And this is why I’m The Pretend Triathlete. It started out well, Garmin said I was doing 7:30 miles, but by the end it was closer to 10:00 and I was feeling it. As I ended my last loop, the longest loop as it worked out, I saw that we had visitors at the house, friends of the family. They were just getting ready to leave as I arrived. So here I am wanting to sit down, or die, and I need to engage in a little small talk and chit-chat. At one point I leaned up against the house to catch my breath. They drove off and I’m sure wondered why I was so tired. It was obvious I’d been out running, they could plainly see that, but they probably thought that I was seriously out of shape. They may be right.

Tomorrow I’ll try to get out early and ride and complete my 70.3 weekend. I need to get some good training in this week, because next week I have a very busy schedule and it may be tough to work out. Then on September 23 I’ll be in Branson at the 70.3 race. On that day I have to do all 70.3 miles in one day.

*I had to walk a couple of times. Hey, my knee started hurting, give me a break!

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Cycling on TV

Posted on August 29, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

Well, Christian Van de Velde of team Garmin-Sharp-Barracuda won the USA Pro Challenge. Good for him! I know nothing of that guy, but Christian is a good name for a guy, and I have a nephew named Christian. One of my favorite books is about a guy named Christian who rides his bike along the narrow way all the way to Heaven, so that’s reason enough to cheer for him.

In sadder Garmin news the strap on my Garmin Forerunner 305 broke. See:

Garmin strap

The clasp thing came off the end of the strap because the plastic cracked. I tried to fix it with duct tape a couple of times, but it keeps coming off. I suppose I could complain to Garmin, but I’ve used this for a year and a half, so I’ll probably just go to Wal-Mart and get a band for eight bucks or so. I don’t know.

Speaking of watching cycling on TV in hopes it makes you a better cyclist, I complained during the Olympics, probably on Twitter, that I didn’t have the Universal Sports network. I discovered this weekend that I do have that channel. It’s way up on 402, but it’s not an HD channel, so kind of happy, still kind of sad. At any rate, they have a lot of cycling.

They also have triathlons. Over the weekend I watched two sprint triathlons staged in Hamburg. The swim took them through this tunnel thing, and the bike route went through the transition area on the second loop. Some non-Americans won, but on the podium they gave them these huge glasses of beer. I’m serious. These glasses were taller than donkeys. I am now training for the Hamburg Sprint Triathlon.

Ok, see you tomorrow morning at the pool. If you get there early, cut a hole in the ice.

 

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Swimming with a Wetsuit, in the Dark?

Posted on August 25, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

The day before today I got up and was at the pool by 6AM. It’s still dark here in Missouri at 6AM this time of year, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, we’re swimming at the outdoor pool. So with my shaded goggles I could just make out the stripe on the bottom of the pool, but I did come close to hitting my head on the wall the first couple of laps.

Swimming in the dark was interesting, but the significant point about this workout is how easy it felt. That’s due, I’m sure, to my wetsuit.

Wetsuit Badge

I think my wetsuit is called the Oceanic Vantage, or something like that. From everything I’ve read, the wetsuit can help you swim faster, both anecdotal evidence and actual studies seem to indicate it’s true. One way to tell if it helps you is to count your strokes per lap with and without the suit. If you’re taking fewer strokes per lap with, then, all things being equal, it should be helping. Naturally, you’ll still need to employ good form (someone tell me how to do that).

So I swam 1500 meters yesterday morning, and, since the air temp was 70 degrees, I thought, “Let’s break out the wetsuit so that I look like a pansy when the senior citizens show up and swim in their bathers.” Nevermind the swim time, it’s not important since it was so pathetic. What I want to tell you is it didn’t feel like it was a chore to get through those meters. I felt like I was gliding through, um, water. The suit provided enough buoyancy for my legs so that they didn’t feel like anchors.

It’s nice that the indoor pool is shut down and I’m able to swim outside with a wetsuit for practice. My first triathlon of the year is generally in June or July, and by then the water is too warm for a suit. Last year I rented a suit, it arrived on Thursday, I swam a few laps at the indoor pool on Friday morning, and I was racing with it on Sunday. The extra practice this year should help.

OK, gotta go. Need to ride today.

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Cold Water Training

Posted on August 21, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

Yesterday I got up and the thermometer said the temperature outside was 56 degrees. Burr! I went on over to the pool, which is about a block from my house. Normally it isn’t that close, but through July and August it is. Well, the city drains the indoor pool every July for cleaning and maintenance. Generally they open it back up in August. While it’s closed they open the outdoor pool in the morning for lap swimming. This August, however, we are still swimming in the outdoor pool because they lack a part to fix the indoor pool. I don’t mind swimming outside. In fact, I prefer it, but I forgot what 56 degrees felt like this summer.

At any rate, I get into the water, and promptly freeze my butt off. Since the pool is a block from home, I decide to go home and get my wetsuit. I acquired said wetsuit circa 1996 when I was stationed in Okinawa and did some diving. Now I know why I kept it all these years. Actually, I thought the suit performed well, and I’ll probably wear it at the Branson 70.3 next month. It’s only 3mm thick. I understand the maximum allowed by rule is 5mm. I may look like a dork swimming with a diving suit (it has these pieces of plastic that cover the knees), but that’s OK, I’ll save a few bucks. Last year I rented a wetsuit.

The only thing about this wetsuit is that it was hard to get off. I may swim again in the morning with it, but I’ll try that body glide and see if that helps me get it off. It’s sleeveless, which after using a full-sleeved one last year, I decided to go with anyways, but it’s still hard to get it off past my ankles and heels.

Today, the last day I had off before back to work tomorrow, I rode 33 miles and then ran a 5K. The temps were in the mid 80s when I got done at around noon, so a can’t complain about that, not this summer. If the water is as cold tomorrow as it was Monday, I may feel obligated to complain about that, though.

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Training While on Vacation?

Posted on August 19, 2012 by The Pretend Triathlete

Last week we had the opportunity to make our pilgrimage to that most holy of children’s Meccas otherwise known as Disney World. I’d never been, so you can imagine my sense of fulfillment once I gazed upon that magnificent geodesic sphere known as Spaceship Earth! But was I able to train while in the sunshine state? Well, you be the judge.

Blue Angel at the Florida welcome center!

We left home last Saturday morning with Lindsay Buckingham’s Holiday Road playing in our heads. Our goal was Meridian, Mississippi, where we spent Saturday night. The hotel had a “health center” which consisted of a Nautilus machine, an old stair climber machine, and a treadmill. I decided to use the Nautilus. It had a station for benching, lat pull downs, leg extensions, and all that. The “health center” was in a room that measured about 12′ x 14′. There were three young girls in there when I arrived (early twenties, late teens? I can’t tell anymore). They evidently couldn’t figure out how to work the Nautilus, because when I started using it they were like, “Oh, OK.” Then they started ribbing me a little with, “Oooh, gettin’ buff. You come see us once you get all buff.” Thankfully they left and I could work out in peace.

I worked my girly pecs and then did some lat pull downs. I worked for about forty-five minutes, and if you hear me now you can believe me later, I felt da burn.

The next day, Sunday, we got up and drove on in to Pensacola, Flo Rida. We spent the day and that night on Pensacola Island. At the beach I tried to swim a little. I did a few laps swimming out and back in. Because of the rip tide that day swimming out was much easier than swimming in. I’d be swimming out, then look up, and I was half way to the Yucatan. But coming back in felt like I was towing a raft full of Cubans. Altogether I don’t think I swam any significant distance. We did rent a kayak, and that thing punished my shoulders and arms, not to mention blisters on my hands. I’ve been wanting to get a kayak and I know now to get one with a back rest.

Pensacola Island

Big shell at Pensacola Island

On Monday I got up to do a beach run. Now, it had been a long time since I “ran” on a beach, and it was a lot harder than I remember or I’m just getting too old. It’s been six days since that run and I can still feel it in my calves! What’s up with that? It’s not like I never run. At any rate, I “ran” three miles in the sand. We then packed up and headed for Orlando Bloom.

Our resort at Disney, I was happy to see, had a pool, and it looked to be about 35 or 40 meters long. However, on Tuesday morning I got up and ran four miles around the resort. There was a nice walk way around a lake and at that hour I was able to run without encountering a lot of people.

After my run, we got ready and went in to the Magic Kingdom. We opened the place up, and we pretty much closed it down. I’d like to count all that walking and standing around as training, but my six-year-old walked just as far as I did that day, so I don’t think I can include it! Keep in mind, though, my calves are already sore from the sand run, and every time I stop to take a break, they get all stiff and it takes a few steps to get them going again. (I know, boo hoo!)

So we get back to the room late Tuesday, and on Wednesday I get up to swim. I was able to get a few laps in before some other folks started showing up. Who’s ready to hit the pool before 8AM unless you’re doing laps? Well, some people are. One end of the pool was zero entry, so I’d swim down until my hands hit the bottom, then turn around and go back. I maybe got ten laps in before I called it quits. Then it was off to Epcot and more walking. We once again opened it up and closed it down.

Excited aobut Captain EO

Thursday I slept in and didn’t do anything, except walk all around the Disney Hollywood Park, or whatever you call it. We saw everything we wanted to see by about seven that night, so we went on back to our suite. And really, that’s all the work outs I got in. Of course, the vacation wasn’t about working out, but you might think you’d have more time to get some work outs in while on vacation. That wasn’t necessarily the case this time. My wife keeps talking about a beach vacation where we get a house and spend a week with nothing planned except hanging at the beach. Perhaps some day, and I’ll be ready for that beach run.

So, how productive was my week? In terms of family it was great. Work outs, not so much, but that’s OK. It’s not like I have a 70.3 in Branson in about 35 days. Oh, wait, I do? That’s not good.

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