The Grossest Part About Cycling

Today, Labor Day, I got in 56 miles on the bike, completing the 70.3 weekend! Yeah!

It got hot out there today. It was 91 degrees when I got back, and I was feeling it. Over the 56 miles I saw a number of other cyclists, a few turtles, and two horses with riders. Oh, and I only fell off my bike once.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you do not wish to read about cycling and male physiology.

Sometimes on these longer rides I develop a little discomfort in the Nethers. Of course I try to reposition myself on the saddle to alleviate my discomfort, but eventually I realize it’s going to take some, uh, manual manipulation to rectify the situation. So, I look around to make sure there are no witnesses, and then I, um, reach down to free myself, as it were. That really should be all I write about that, but there is one more thing to say about it. The point of relaying this to you is that once I’ve found myself, often I can’t feel it because it’s numb, like when you lie on your arm too long. Am I the only one? I’m sure this is where the phrase “numb nuts” comes from.


I saw a dude out riding today, and though his bike wasn’t exactly a recumbent, the guy had a chair for a saddle. I’m not kidding. It had a back and a nice wide seat and everything. Man, I bet he never has to re-adjust. I wonder if he even wears bike shorts.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you don’t want to read about bike shorts.

The grossest thing about cycling is the bike shorts. I’m not talking about how us guys look wearing them, though you could make a case for that. I’m talking about that giant pad in the bottom that’s intended to cushion your ride. I still feel like a newbie, so I remember when I got my first pair of shorts, looked on the inside and thought, “What the what? Someone sewed a Depends up in these things!” And this is why it’s so gross; I assume you’re not supposed to wear undies with you bike shorts.


Occasionally I tell people yes, when you first start riding you’ll be sore in a few places you’re not supposed to be sore, but the more you ride the more comfortable you get. I still get achy in my lower back when riding, but after researching a little more, it seems like I just need to ride more miles, and perhaps work on my core. Lately I’ve been trying to stretch my lower back as well. I’m not great at stretching out, I haven’t made it a habit, but I think it’s helped my back.

OK, I need to go. I gotta get the grill going and get my protein grilled. Happy Labor Day!

Katy Trail

About The Pretend Triathlete

Just a 46 year old trying to stay in shape. Not pro-athlete in shape, just 46 year old guy with a family and a house and a job in shape. Signing up for races is the best way I've found to do that. I blog about things that happen to me and things I observe while training and racing. Let's do this!
This entry was posted in Cycling, Health and Fitness, triathlon, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Grossest Part About Cycling

  1. If you are getting numb in the ‘nads you need to get a better saddle IMMEDIATELY. There are a lot of things in this world that are worse than dying — and permanent damage in that area has to be one of them.

  2. Daniel Undem says:

    I have a strong dislike for thick cycling chamois. Always feel like I’m wearing a diaper, it’s even grosser when they are covered in fresh coat of chamois cream. Feels like a loaded diaper then.

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