Today I’d like to review Ironman. Not the organization. Not the race. Not even a movie. I’m of course talking about Ironman Aftershave.

My dear Mother, who still has an Avon lady, apparently, gave me a tube of Ironman Aftershave for Christmas. I don’t think my Mother knows exactly what an Ironman race is, but she knows I like to do triathlons, and that I shave, so aftershave makes for a very sensible gift.

Scent of Ironman

The tube I have is 3.4 fluid ounces, or 100 ml if you’re Jimmy Carter, and cost $4.50 on Amazon. I don’t know what the Avon catalogue lists it at. The back of the bottle describes Ironman Aftershave this way:

Alcohol-free formula with the energizing scent of Ironman®. Enriched with aloe and moisturizers to soothe skin after shaving and protect from dryness.

OK, first off, having never completed a full Ironman race I’m not going to poke fun of the “scent of Ironman®.” However, I will say that I always thought that completing an Ironman race would smell better than what’s in this tube. It’s not that it’s a bad smell, like an odor, it’s just that it’s a powerful smell, especially when you first put it on. But maybe that’s the point. I am drawn to unscented aftershave and deodorants, so I am probably not the best judge of how this toiletry smells. I will say that my wife said I smelled good this morning, so that should count for something.

The alcohol-free formula is also too greasy for my taste. After you apply it to your face, or where ever you just shaved, you can feel it on your hands and you almost feel like you need to wash them with soap to get it off. I don’t like that. I like my aftershave to evaporate almost as soon as I put it on.

If you’re looking for that cool, invigorating rush when you put it on, you won’t find it here. There’s no alcohol so it doesn’t burn your nicks, either. Any cream that doesn’t burn an open wound is a little suspect to me. It’s a cream, and aside from the greasiness and the smell, you hardly know you’re wearing it. After it’s been on for five or ten minutes you get used to the smell, and at some point before lunch your face doesn’t feel greasy.

Does Ironman Aftershave help you run farther or swim better? I do not know. It may well do that. But what’s my final verdict? 3 stars out of 5. I’m right down the middle with the Ironman® Aftershave. I started wearing it after I ran out of the stuff I usually buy, and haven’t disliked it enough to stop. So if Mom gives me some again next year, I’ll wear it, but I’ll probably go back to my old stuff once this runs out.

Well, this post is running (get it) a little long, so we’ll talk about crushed dreams tomorrow, or whenever. Thanks for reading.