Spouting Off

Lent always seems longer to me when I actually deny myself something I enjoy, like the various delicacies I can shovel into my lip-ringed orifice, for example. This year, however, I did not swear off the much desired carbohydrates that seem to make up the bulk of my diet, rather, I am not watching the television.

I have celebrated previous Lents by going without meat, desserts, and other such nonsense. As difficult as that may be, I can say the hardest thing I’ve ever given up is the black-crack, the mocha-meth, the cafe de addiction. I hated those 40 days and 40 nights so much that I promised my brain to never again give up my slow roasted heroin.

So no boob-tube means more time for training, right? Well, you might think so, but keep in mind I am extremely lazy. I can find plenty of other frivolous activities to fill my time.

I should be honest here and say that at the beginning of Lent I gave up TV, except for NCAA basketball. It’s not that I’m a huge fan, but I do like watching the tourney and all that. Up until last night, if you added up all the time I spent watching games this year it would probably come up to about 33 minutes or so. Then last night I decide to watch the Kansas game. Big mistake. Those guys always lose when I watch. Well, I did see them beat Memphis for the NCAA championship in 2008. But generally they lose, so this year I won’t watch the Jayhawks until they’re in the championship game.

So, I have gotten to the pool a few times this year. I still swim like a fish, that someone was eating last Friday. I have made one improvement; I can now breathe out both sides of my head. Formerly I was known as a right-only breather. I’m now bi. I breathe both ways.

I am ashamed to admit, however, that I am a spouter. You know how a whale surfaces and blows all that air and water out of its blow-hole. I do exactly the same thing quite often. Except mine goes sideways into the other swimming lane, and not straight up into the air. I’m constantly worried I’m going to spew pool water all over my swimming partners. How embarrassing! Any breathing tips are welcome.

One more thing. This off-season I got this:

No, not a work table, the bike. It’s a very inexpensive (cheap) tri-bike. Well, it has aero bars installed anyways, and I’ll ride it in some triathlons. I’m a lot less likely to spew on people when I’m riding my bike.


About The Pretend Triathlete

Just a 46 year old trying to stay in shape. Not pro-athlete in shape, just 46 year old guy with a family and a house and a job in shape. Signing up for races is the best way I've found to do that. I blog about things that happen to me and things I observe while training and racing. Let's do this!
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